One down, two to go!

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I did it. I’ve finished one of my modules, yahoo!! I’ve finished the ‘Physiology in Labour & Birth’ module. I’m yet to do my communication assignment of reflective writing, but I’m not quite in the mind space for that, so I skipped over it for now. I got stuck into the next one, and finished it tonight.

I’ve done all the exams, and pretty much aced them. There were 8 exams, 5 of those I got 100% & the other 3 I got 1 or 2 wrong. I’m pretty happy with that. They were open book exams, but I still had to think & do research. I’ve just sent off my feedback for the module, and hopefully it’s ok.

I loved the labour & birth module, I really felt like I was in my element, amongst all that birth stuff. I came away with more knowledge of the whole process, it was so cool.

Next up, the ‘Birth Doula Skills’ module, yay! This one will take me the longest. I need to do the module, as well as read 2 books & review them (it is 3, but I’ve done one already), carry out a childbirth class survey & support 2 women through their pregnancy & birth.

The supporting I possibly won’t get to do for some time yet. I don’t drive, so it would be tricky for me to visit clients, and with Lach’s work hours, I’m not sure I could fit in being on call for a labour. But that’s ok, there is plenty of time to do that, it’s just all about doing everything else first. I’m excited!

Night weaning a no go.

I was planning to night wean Roo this week. Well I really don’t think it’s gonna happen. She’s been waking quite often over night lately, and the only way to get her back to sleep, is the boob. She was asleep & in her cot by 7:30pm tonight, it is now 12:30am & I’ve just resettled her (with boob) for the 4th (!!!!) time tonight. Last night it was about 4 times, and similar the previous few nights. Geeez kiddo!

I’ve no idea how to approach this. I’m unsure of if it’s even the right time, but is it ever the right time? She could be waking for a matter of things….
Teeth – she has her 4th canine tooth coming through.
Heat – it has been hot of late, but she has a fan on, so shouldn’t be too bad in there.
Growth spurt? She just turned 18mths last week, and there’s so much she’s been doing lately, that maybe she needs these extra feeds overnight. It’s not like she’s hungry during the day, as she eats plenty, drinks water or eats ice cubes when she wants & then is on the breast at every chance she gets (up to 10 times a day, at least).
Or just cause she’s never been the greatest sleeper. Though she slept ok when we co-slept at night.

I won’t let her to cry it out, cause it’s not good for either of us. I end up stressed & frustrated if she cries for even a minute, as she has such a hard & throaty cry. Plus it’s cruel. If I sit by her with her in the cot, she just thrashes around & cries, so no chance of patting her back to sleep. It’s boob & boob only.

I know this phase will pass soon, but my gosh I could do with a good night sleep. I’m lucky that Lach will let me sleep in of a morning, but I’d like to sleep all night and her too. I was trying to study yesterday, but fell asleep in the middle of reading!!

I’ve just gotta give it time, we’ll get there eventually, I know.

First assignment, let’s go!

So I’ve put a lot of effort into my Doula course over the last week. I’ve managed to get the first module almost done, just have the communication assignment to do. Eeek! This is the bit that will test me. I’m not too good at these things, but I’ll try my darned hardest to do my best. I don’t wanna rush it, so I’ll be taking my time & making sure I get it right. Hopefully I’ll be able to manage it ok. Hubby has this weekend off, so will be grabbing some alone time to get some done.

Jumping back into my Doula course.

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Well I’ve found my motivation, and I want to get stuck back into my Doula course. I haven’t looked at it in over 2yrs, so I figured it was time to get off my ass & finish it.

Why have a taken so long to get back into it, you ask?
Well a few things… Soon after I started, we moved from Canberra to NSW, then a month later I was pregnant with Roo. So my motivation kinda left me, then I began to have doubts.

Doubts?
Yeah, I did. Mainly due to wondering if I was really cut out to be a doula. I knew I was/am in some respects, but I just wasn’t sure if it’s what I really wanted. I’ve mentioned before I’m an introvert, I’m not terribly outgoing. Well sometimes I can be, if I’m comfortable enough. But I’m shocking communicating to/with people IRL.
Then I worried if I’d be too judgemental, or bias.
But, after running all my concerns over in my head, I thought stuff it! There is no point worrying about it, I should at least give it a go. And that’s what I’m doing! Plus I hope that the course will help me in those areas.

So having not logged into my Childbirth International Student account in 2yrs or looked at my course modules, I’ve forgotten what I’ve done, where I’m up to & everything in between. I hadn’t done a lot, but I think I’ll have to start from the beginning, and work through it again. Luckily I still have the word documents saved on my laptop, so they can help me with my exercises along the way.

Being a Doula is one step in the direction of where I wanna be in 20yrs time. There is nothing more I wanna do, than be a midwife. Being a midwife is not something I can do right now unfortunately – funds, kids & bad timing. But a Doula is perfect. It might prove tricky with hubby’s work hours (he works at night as a baker), but we’ll figure something out. My next step after completing my doula course, is to train to be a breastfeeding/Lactation consultant.

Another thing I also need to do before I even think about the practical side of my course, is my driver’s licence! I need to learn to drive. So that’s something else I need to be studying.

So time to knuckle down, delete all distractions and get on with it. Eeek!

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Truths & facts about me

I’ve seen these going around a bit lately, so thought I’d add my own.

1. I really dislike being called ‘hun’, ‘darl’ and any other term of endearment, especially if it’s someone younger than me saying it. The only person I’ll ever allow to do it is my Mum ;)

2. Whenever I see poor grammar, it makes me cringe. I make a huge effort to ensure I write/type things with correct grammar, and find it hard to read something that isn’t. I know that people make mistakes (I’m sure I do on the rare occasion), but when it’s constant I can’t help correcting in my head.

3. My closest friends are online friends. Mainly cause I’m such an introvert & don’t like going out to meet new people. I try, but I just don’t ‘click’ with anyone. I make crappy small talk, or feel left out.

4. I never feel comfortable in church. I’m an atheist, so have no reason to go, but anytime I’ve been in one, I feel nauseous, claustrophobic & so very uncomfortable. I don’t know why though.

5. I didn’t enjoy high school. It was mainly the study & work that got to me, so I left halfway through grade 11. I’m grateful that I did, cause I met my Husband a few months later through work.

6. I don’t drive. I’ve never driven & I don’t have my drivers licence. I have no desire to drive, but I know I need to. I’m not scared to drive at all, I just don’t want to (ok, partly cause I see it as ‘too hard’). Every year I promise that I will do it, but never do. I’m hoping that this year is THE year.

7. I hate unannounced visitors. I find it extremely rude. Especially if the house is a mess & I’m still waltzing around in my pyjamas, lol!

8. I dream of being a midwife, but am unsure if I’ll actually be motivated to do the work/study/exams for it (I find it hard to concentrate & process things sometimes). I hope that due to it being something I love, I’ll breeze through it without a worry.

9. I can be judgemental at times. Which is only natural, though it’s something I’m trying to hold back. I’m getting better, but it is hard, so hard.

10. I want another baby in about 5yrs time, but my husband doesn’t. Whilst I fully respect his reasons & choice, I am having a hard time accepting that Roo may be our last. Never being pregnant, giving birth & having a newborn again makes me sad – but I guess I can’t keep having babies forever, lol.

11. I’d love to be a gestational surrogate (ie, carry the baby, not have any biological relation with it), but I think I could only do it for close friends or family.

12. I cry too easily. I’ve no idea if it’s cause I’m sensitive, or just cause I’m a woman. Despite this, I don’t get PMS, thankfully!

Things I love… (in no particular order)
1. The smell & feel of a freshly birthed newborn baby. It’s intoxicating!
2. Everything to do with birth & pregnancy.
3. Greys Anatomy & Doctor Who.
4. My iPad mini (and my iPhone).
5. Instagram.
6. Reading.
7. Photography.
8. The smell of rain.
9. Cake (cause who doesn’t).
10. Ice cream.

Why I love Instagram

I love Instagram. I have been using it for about 3.5yrs, but have only started following & allowing followers for about 14mths (cause I had no idea there was the option to do that, lol!). I love having my photos (usually edited with a filter) in one stream, besides my camera roll.

I’m quite the photo addict. I love to take photos, most of which are taken with my iPhone. And I love that I can share them with friends & they share theirs with me.

I started adding & following people back around December 2012, just a few friends from FB & some I’ve been online friends with for years. Then when the wonderful blog ‘Birth Without Fear‘ joined the IG world, I started connecting with so many wonderful women. Women who have the same passions as I do; breastfeeding, birth, baby wearing, attachment parenting etc. I love all these wonderful & supportive women dearly. There are so many that I follow, from all over the world. It’s a community that I appreciate, as I don’t have many friends in the real world (that is, in the same town) that share the same views as me. It’s great to see so many doing the same things as me, knowing I’m not alone. They are all just awesome, I seriously wish we could all live in a bubble together. Though I guess we already do, the IG bubble, lol!

I’ll be honest & say while at first I was hesitant to add compete strangers (as most people would think I’m mad for allowing just anyone to see my photos), I realised that if I wanted to make new friends, I’d have to put myself it there. I’m so glad I did, otherwise I wouldn’t have made so many awesome friends. I only add or follow those that have a description in their bio, and only mothers/mothers to be.

From following such inspiring people I have learnt that loving yourself is the best thing to do, accept who you are & love your body. I especially love the Birth Without Fear ‘self love’ project, this is what reminded me that my body is beautiful, even with my amazing stretch marks, created when I was growing a human inside me. To not worry about focusing on being a better size, being healthy is what matters.

I used to prefer not to be in photos, but now I love it, especially if it’s with my kids (gotta love a selfie!). I no longer worry if I look horrid, I just take the darn photo. 9 times out of 10 I end up loving the photo anyway.

So a little shoutout to those beautiful ladies, thank you for being there & being you!

** I probably should add, this post also applies to those friends & family I had already ;)

Night Weaning Thoughts.

Night weaning

I’m sitting here, it’s 11pm, and I’m breastfeeding Roo back to sleep. She woke up, & it’s the 2nd (or could be the 3rd!) time tonight.

About 5/7 nights a week she wakes at least once. Our bedtime routine starts at 7pm; into Grobag, sit in rocking chair & nurse to sleep, before placing her asleep in the cot. I don’t mind this routine, it’s nice. And it only takes 30mins max for her to be asleep & me back out in the lounge room.

I’m not complaining, I know others have got it worse (not that that really matters to my situation), though the night waking does get to me. She’s almost 18mths. My other 3 were night weaned by 12mths at the latest (could have been sooner, I just can’t remember), so I’m a little eager to have her night weaned. Only cause she doesn’t really need the milk, it’s more for the comfort. But then I don’t really wanna take that comfort away from her…

She spent 9 months growing inside me & 14mths sleeping in my bed beside me (plus the last 4mths she’s been sleeping in her cot), and for me to decide that she needs to stop needing me at night, doesn’t feel right. So I continue to follow my instincts & get up to her during the night, soothing her back to sleep on my breast & walk out of her room happy, knowing she’s felt comfort & security with me there while she drifts back to sleep.

But then of course I’m back to, “oh do you have to wake, can’t you sleep through every night, you’re old enough to”. Though the thing is, I’m only thinking & wanting to night wean her for my sake, not hers. So I can sleep a full night, and get to bed earlier at night – yeah, see I feel selfish.

Oh I don’t know! Do I, or don’t I? I know it won’t go on forever, and as I mentioned, it’s only 5/7 nights a week she’s waking. Ok, so she’s sleeping through at least once a week, maybe twice a week if I’m lucky, yay!

I’ve just gone round in circles, haven’t I?! I’m probably not making sense (lucky it makes sense to me!)

If/when I do get around to it, I’m hoping it’ll be easy for us both. Cause I hate hearing her cry, & I refuse to let her cry (especially if it’s my fault she’s crying. I need to start reading her book ‘Nursies when the sun shines’ – such a sweet book!

Well her feed is done, and I’m now ready for sleep myself, fingers crossed she’s done with waking for the night! I’ll make more of this post another time, I’m way too sleepy for this right now, lol!

Here is Roo earlier today, having her naptime breastfeed. Yep, she nurses to sleep for her nap too. She loves to snuggle her doll Rosie ❤️

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Ps, she woke again at 1 & 3am. I think. I can’t remember, as I fell back to sleep as soon as I sat down with her. It was so much easier when we co-slept, but I’m glad she’s in her own bed now, I need my own space at night.